Contrary to the popular belief that the problem with people is expecting too much from their relationships, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations as long as your partner shares them and as long as they’re realistic.
This article shares ten great expectations for couples. If you’re expecting your relationship always to be happy and meet all of your physical, emotional and intellectual needs, then there is a big chance that you’re going to be disappointed.
If you’re expecting your relationship to be always happy and meet all of your physical, emotional and intellectual needs, then there is a big chance that you’re going to be disappointed. #twosome #expectations #relationships #quote
— Twosome (@Twosome_us) September 29, 2018
But if your expectations are that you’re committed to each other, love each other, develop and grow together and work through life’s difficulties when they arise, then you can look forward to living happily ever after.
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Expect Your Relationship to Improve
Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. If you expect your relationship to improve, then you have significantly more chance of achieving that. And if you expect your relationship to fail, then you’re almost certain to be right.
When you expect your relationship to improve, your motivation goes up and you find yourself doing everything you possibly can to make it work and fulfill your expectation.
You start to notice all the things, however small, that are steps in the right direction. You also find yourself focusing on your partner’s good points and the strengths in your relationship rather than the negatives and the weaknesses.
Expect to Be Loved
Knowing that your partner loves you is essential for a successful relationship. But even more important is knowing that you’re loved.
To be loved by someone is an active process, not just an emotional feeling. When you know you’re loved, you see your partner as someone who always has your best interests at heart.
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When your partner challenges you, he does so because he’s thinking about your growth. When he gets upset, that’s because he values your opinion.
When he gets angry, he’s showing that he cares about the quality of your relationship. Expecting to be loved shows that you have positive self-esteem and good self-confidence.
Consequently, you’re less likely to doubt and challenge your partner and more likely to feel secure within the relationship.
— Twosome (@Twosome_us) September 29, 2018
The more you expect to be loved, the more you feel loved. So until your partner does something that was very obviously meant to hurt you, assume that you’re loved.
Expect to Discover Difficult Things About Each Other
Most relationships start off as a fairytale romance with both of you believing that you’ve found the answer to your dreams. Unfortunately, reality kicks in after a while and you’re forced to realize that your partner isn’t perfect.
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As time goes on, you may well discover some aspects of your partner’s character or behavior that you don’t like.
That may be something relatively trivial like the way he eats his food, or it may be something more significant like the lack of respect he shows his parents.
The issue may be something that has a direct impact on your relationship, such as his habit of withdrawing into silence for days when he’s stressed, or the difficulty of living with something your partner has done in the past.
But before you chuck in the towel, remember that your partner is almost certainly discovering some uncomfortable truths about you too.
Hollywood has a lot to answer for in setting up expectations of the perfect romantic partner. In the real world, you must accept imperfections and painful pasts and be willing to love each other just the same.
Expect to Discover Even More Difficult Things About Yourself
Getting into an intimate relationship is like living with a mirror right in front of you. Everything you do, good and bad, reflects back at you, either directly through conversation or confrontation, or indirectly through the reactions and responses you evoke in your partner.
Getting close to someone inevitably means finding out more about yourself. And some discoveries you may prefer not to make.
You may discover that you tend to be short tempered, unaffectionate, insensitive or moody. Or that you’re difficult to live with because you’re so untidy or such a control freak.
Maybe you have an irritating laugh or snore, or you’re a terrible cook, a bad timekeeper or a scary driver.
When you’re alone, these weaknesses may stay gloriously hidden, but in a relationship, everything’s exposed. Knowing about a fault gives you a chance to fix it, so wherever possible use your discoveries to your advantage and change.
If you discover things that you really can’t change, then both you and your partner have to find ways to live with these parts of you.
Expect Your Relationship to Change
A relationship’s not a static commodity but a living, evolving and growing entity. Sometimes your relationship feels fantastic, a source of comfort and joy, and occasionally it feels terrible and you wonder what on earth you’re doing with your partner.
And you experience many varying degrees of highs and lows in between.
This is the normal ebb and flow of a relationship, and as long as you always get more highs than lows, you’re doing just fine.
Accepting the rough with the smooth is a valuable lesson for every aspect of life.
The quality of your relationship also changes. At first, when you’re madly in love, you may want to spend every waking moment together and you can’t bear to be apart.
But as this phase wears off, so does the urgency, and you find yourselves feeling more relaxed about the time you spend together.
As more time passes, you probably find yourselves wanting to spend more time with friends or doing things alone.
This doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t as strong as it used to be, just that it’s evolving.
Trying to hang on to the past or go back to how things used to be never works. You must always be ready to move forward and embrace each stage of your relationship as it changes and matures.
Expect Sex to Get Better and Better
The myth that sex is best when you first get together is just that, a myth. Sex may be more passionate and urgent then, but it’s often a bit lacking in the knowledge and skills department.
As your relationship grows and you get closer and closer, you can expect your sex life to get better as well. As you get to know one another’s bodies and feel more confident and comfortable sharing what you like, you find that not only does your performance improve, your intimacy does too.
Sex loses any of its early awkwardness and you enjoy more openness and eroticism. If you expect sex to get better, then you feel more motivated to make sure that it does.
With a shared commitment to grow and develop together and to fight against complacency and routine, you can look forward to many, many years of fun.
Expect to Be Bored Sometimes
Boredom’s a really annoying and tiring fact of life. In the early stage of a relationship, being together is all you need to make your life complete.
But as you continue your joint journey, you find that your relationship isn’t enough to satisfy all your needs and you have to do other things as well.
When you’re feeling bored with your partner or bored with your relationship, you can be tempted to wonder whether you’d be happy with someone else. And, of course, the truth is that you may be, at least for a short while.
But in time, that relationship would surely also become boring unless you commit to doing something about it.
To avoid boredom, you need to work together at keeping yourselves and your life interesting.
Take up new hobbies and interests, separately and alone, to ensure that you have plenty to talk about. Don’t expect your partner to be your social entertainer and the answer to all your needs and desires.
No relationship can ever live up to this, and thinking like this leaves you moving from relationship to relationship and feeling permanently unfulfilled.
Expect to Have Doubts Sometimes
Because people and relationships can change so much, times are bound to occur when you sense a nagging doubt in the pit of your stomach that your relationship isn’t okay.
When that happens, listen and take heed, but whatever you do, don’t panic.
Having relationship doubts is part of being human. Doubts can be triggered in all sorts of ways: an article in a magazine, listening to a friend’s story, something that’s recently happened within your relationship, or the resurfacing of an issue that you’re struggling to resolve.
Whatever the trigger may be, use the opportunity to reflect on your relationship and take stock of where you are. If you have problems in your relationship that you need to address, then do so.
But if, on reflection, you can’t identify anything wrong, redirect your energy to focusing on the positives in your relationship and forget it.
You’re bound to doubt your relationship at times. But that absolutely does not mean that you have a problem – your doubts are just a symptom of living in an uncertain world.
Expect to Face Tough Times Together
The storms of life can be particularly harsh at times and, sadly, few relationships come through unscathed.
The true strength of a relationship is often tested when times are tough – during bereavements, health problems, redundancy, financial difficulties or family crises.
— Twosome (@Twosome_us) September 29, 2018
Tough times are an opportunity to lean on each other and become closer. You have a chance to discover more about yourself and about each other.
This is a time to find new strengths and new reserves of humor and intimacy.
When you find yourselves going through a tough time, make sure that you pull together. Continue to prioritize your relationship and both give and receive support.
Couples who can ride through these storms together inevitably come through stronger and closer than ever before.
Expect to Be Together, Forever
Divorce and separation are commonplace today, so trusting in the longevity of a relationship can be difficult. But commitment isn’t about having any guarantees, it’s about making a decision that you’re going to stay together, for better and for worse.
Unfortunately, not all relationships work out, but that’s no reason to think that yours is going to be one of the casualties.
The more you expect to be together forever, the harder you work at resolving any problems when they arise, and the more effort you make to create a relationship that you both cherish till death you do part.